Carlos Vecovsky 1973-2007

The sad but true account of a friend and fighter affected by mental illness in his prime that led to his suicide.

While it is true that Carlos achieved more than many people do in their long lives and in arenas that test human courage and fortitude to high levels, his life was all too short and he if not affected by mental illness could have achieved so much more.

This is my account of life of Carlos my friend and trainee as I saw it first hand. I hope anyone who reads this can learn from it and that it can make him or her more aware and understanding.

Carlos was a very private man in many ways and there is much I never knew of him and his life, as that’s the way he was.

I first met Carlos in 1990 when working crowd control. Carlos was out on the town with his friends and he even at the young age of 18 seemed years older than his age and his friends.

I had seen Carlos in the odd street fight while working on the door and he always backed himself and backed his mates up. He often found himself confronted by much older and bigger opposition in those early years because of his physical size and the fact he appeared to be a grown man when he was a teenager.

He soon learnt who I was and was interested in close combat and he along with several of his friends joined up in 1992. I told him from the outset he needed to channel his energy and ability positively and he agreed that he would behave himself.
Carlos was a quick learner and enjoyed his training and training with a wide range of exponents. He never bullied anyone in training and could be found training with anyone from the lightest of lightweights to the super heavy weights.

I had to suspend Carlos from training at one stage in his teenage years as he was again getting into too many street fights and I told him if he didn’t curve his habit of being in the wrong place at the wrong time he would end up in trouble. He agreed and took leave from training for some time but he kept up his fitness training and sport.

I saw him out running one afternoon and he stopped to chat. I said, "I see you have got over the street fighting for the sake of it phase and that you have been working out hard."

He said, "Yes I have been keeping quiet and staying away from that sort of agro."

I said, "Well then it’s about time you got back into training if you want," and he was back on the next Monday and he had really matured and was committed to his training.

By now his mates he had joined up with had all given up their training but Carlos accepted the challenge for advanced training and testing, he wanted to become highly skilled he told me and make it as a combative specialist.
His plan was to learn as much as he could of other fighting arts and combat sports so when he became a specialist in close combat he could know how to combat others methods and could better instruct his people.

He was keen to learn and develop as a combatant and as a combat sports fighter and if some one had knowledge to share, man women or child he would absorb and analysis it.

I have difficulties with time frames with this article because over the years Carlos would come and go from training as his work or life style changed his situation.
He was not one to tell you of his family life or much about his life outside the gym.
In fact when entering him in events I never even knew the correct spelling of his name or contact details, he would just say that would do.

He was quiet at training but had a hell of a smile and from time to time his sense of humor would be exposed amongst the camaraderie and black humor that comes with the territory.

Carlos was fiercely loyal and did not suffer fools, he would tell them to their face exactly how it was. I can remember him telling me of how he had ended up in the presence of an individual that was passing himself off as a military combative expert instructor when he had never been officially trained or qualified on military courses.
What infuriated Carlos was that this individual was claiming to be the one and only expert in his part of the world.

Carlos confronted and corrected him in from of all in attendance and insisted on the truth and an apology and got it before he left. He did not suffer fools or disrespect of those he respected and was fiercely loyal and protective of his friends and those he held in high regard.

Saturday 21 July it was at the funeral for Carlos that for the first time I got a glimpse into his background and family. I never knew that he had spent his early years with his family on the road in a house bus and I had not met his father before.

He had never told me that he went to Bayfield high school or lived down the Otago Peninsula.

What I did know about Carlos was that he had worked in the forestry and was a hard worker well suited to such demanding and physical work.

He had had his own contract and forestry gang and I had come close to talking him into arranged access to hunt the area he was working but it never quite came off. I had met his former girl friend Martha and her friends and knew his close mates Paul, Craig, Kane and Peter but very much the rest of the life of Carlos outside training was a mystery to me.

I knew he was a good chess player but not just how good until talking to his father not long after his funeral.

Carlos would have a habit of turning up and opting for intensive combative training just before a test phase over putting in long training periods prior to such testing.

He accompanied myself and a group of fellow members to a training camp in Sydney Australia in 2001 where he received training from several military master level instructors from the international close combat instructors association.

These instructors included Larry Jordan, Blue Curran and Johnny Whipp, he told me how privileged he felt to meet such people and train from them.

Carlos attended many courses and workshops we conducted in New Zealand including seminars conducted by Johnny Whipp in Judo and Larry Jordan in close combat.

He spent several years training in close combat before trying his hand at prize fighting. His debut opponent was Fred Lalogafau a super heavy weight boxer fighter who was also a fellow close combat member with Carlos at the Todd Group.

Not many people would even consider their debut in the ring against a fighter of the calibre and size of Fred but Carlos was not only quick to accept the match but was not fazed and never showed any self doubt leading up to the fight.

It was a short fight with Fred catching Carlos with a punishing punch right on the chin and stopping him. Carlos was as resolute in defeat as he was in accepting the challenge and him and Fred were good mates with a respect for each other.

Carlos began training in our wrestling class and doing some boxing and kickboxing as well as his close combat training. He started cross training lifting heavy weights and running on top of his physically demanding forestry work.

He was so committed that he came into my Fight Times shop to buy the gear he needed to train down south where he worked on the forestry when he could mot make it to town for training. He had his fellow forestry workers training with him and I bet the sparring must have been interesting out in the bush.

We had a guest instructor at the Todd Group by the name of John Donehue from Melbourne Australia who was a mixed martial arts specialist. Carlos found the training interesting and after John’s visit Carlos travelled to Australia to continue training with John.

On his return Carlos fought on the Fight Times and Olympic Gym promotion August 31st 2002 in a mixed martial arts bout against a tough fighter by the name of Wade Reynolds. Carlos had really matured and was in peak condition and monstered his opponent winning by stoppage in the first round.

Carlos competed on our wrestling team at an Otago Championships, winning his weight division unopposed and went up in weight to the open weight class and was second to Lee Smith.

He was hungry for hands on knowledge and keen to work out with anyone that had the time and I spent many hours along with Lee Smith and others training with him.
Once again Carlos disappeared for some time and when he returned he signed up for the upcoming training trip to Thailand along with several other of his fellow members in 2004.

He pulled off of the trip not long before we were to leave for no apparent reason and I noticed a real change in his personality and direction.

The national wrestling championships in 2004 were held in Dunedin and Carlos turned up just before the event and entered. He was even quieter than usual and spent both days at the Nationals sitting on his own with his hood over his head.

I put it down to wanting to prepare in solitude but his performance was well below what I had ever seen from him before and he seemed to have forgotten a lot of what he had learnt.

He lost a match to a younger wrestler that he could dominate easily at training and he contacted our wrestling coach after this event and told him he would not be wrestling again because he felt aggression towards his young fellow wrestler that had beaten him.

I would see Carlos from time to time but he stayed away from the gym. Carlos told me he had found a higher religion and was leaving town to pursue the study of his spiritual beliefs.

He told me he was going to Rome and other holy cities and that he had found a higher religion than conventional religions. I heard from a friend that Carlos was living in his house in Nelson but then he disappeared for some time.

He turned up again some time later and asked if I would act as a referee for him to get on a polytechnic massage therapy course, as he was a late entrant on the course. I did and he begun training in massage therapy and would occasionally come in to training and would introduce new members.

I had noticed a real change in Carlos and he was continuously smiling from ear to ear and when asked why he was so happy he would say he had found his ultimate religion and nothing could break his happiness.

I had a visitor from the US training in control and restraint and Carlos turned up at the gym wanting to train in kickboxing. I told him to go up stairs to join the kickboxing class and went to check on him some time after.

He was on his own standing in front of the punch bag and was striking the bag with none of the skill or power he previously displayed. He had lost a lot of weight and was dressed in dress clothes but had bare feet and this was the middle of winter.
I asked him how things were and what he had been up to and why he was not his recent smiling self.

He came down stairs to where we were training in control and restraint and attempted to join in but he could not remember most of what he had previously known and was constantly resisting his training partners especially our US visitor that he did not know. He begun to act aggressively towards him and I had to physically restrain him and remove him from training.

I noticed considerable changes in his personal appearance and dress as well as he appeared to be not eating well and had lost a lot of his condition and his personal dress and hygiene were way down on his previous high standards.

I had a good talk to him and he was difficult to communicate with and came across as if playing mind games with me and at times lost focus or went off on tangents. He told me I didn’t care about him and I insisted he look me in the eyes when I spoke to him and told him I wouldn’t be wasting my time asking what was wrong with him if I didn’t care.

This was the first and only time I ever heard him act like he needed or wanted to talk about his situation. He seemed calm again and smiled as we talked but before long he lost his focus on our conversation and ended up by telling me when I looked at him I saw myself.

I said, "Carlos, you need help." He said he did not need any help as he had found the ultimate understanding and it was all he needed and more than anyone could offer.
He told me that he did not want to train anymore as it could only make him want to do harm to others and that he did not need it, as he could not be harmed now with his faith. He calmed down and thanked me for everything and left.

I contacted two of his close friends after this and they said he had been a very different person of recent and his life style and behaviour was very different to the Carlos they had know for most of his life. They said they thought he was suffering from a mental illness and I agreed.

Carlos did turn up at training several times after that and would just come in and say hello and leave.

Working late down in my office I ran into to Carlos several times as I was locking up, he was wondering up into the city centre and was scantly dressed for the cold whether. He was continuously sniffing air through his nose and was somewhat delusional by now and very much a loner. I would watch him walking up the street in an almost paranoid manner.

The next time I spoke to him he was continuously sniffing potpourri and was very vacant and withdrawn. He would look downward and away when talking to you and this was not the way of Carlos of old the proud confident young man that would always look you in the eye and didn’t suffer fools.

I would always call out to him and approach and see if he wanted to talk or needed any help.

Even in that state of mind he would smile when you spoke to him of past humorous times or some of the hard cases we both knew from his training days.

Sometimes he would be very vague and appeared to want to distance himself so I would tell him to take care and keep in touch. His appearance would dramatically change from month to month and from one time to another when I would run into him.

He could look almost emaciated and with a beard and dressed in not the usual Carlos attire with bare feet and the next time you could almost mistake him by dress and appearance for the Carlos of previous.

His demeanour though was very different, he was very with drawn and I was never sure if he could not remember his past or did not want to remember. I wondered if he was embarrassed or just had turned his back on some aspects of his life before or simply didn’t remember. He was almost delusional and at times trance like.

I contacted Peter a friend of Carlos who was living in Australia as I was very concerned for Carlos and he told me he had not heard from him in some time and could I keep a look out for Carlos and keep him informed.

I had written an article some time earlier on the movie "Out Of The Blue" and had covered briefly David Grey and his state of mind and later I had included in one of my columns titled Real Life Situations the following piece.

Training people is a great responsibility and can be very difficult at times with having to make the hard decisions.

Rejecting applications and revoking membership is one thing but recognizing changes in people’s behaviour is a whole new concern and then being in a position to do anything about it is another thing.

I had a student that was extremely capable in every sense of the word when it came to anything martial. Over the years he showed some unusual aspects to his ways he acted and conducted himself.

The problem was he was a full on chap and when he practiced anything it was all or nothing. The environment also masked his underlying problems to a great degree.

You would see him at competitions on his own away from the team and with hood overhead and head down for hours on end. I have known many fighters that like to hide away before competition so that was deemed the situation in this case.

But then there were dramatic changes in his dress for the conditions and personal hygiene and his vanishing and turning up out of the blue and acting a little different each time.

Well there were many other character changes and reports of unusual behaviour and then the realization that he had a mental illness. He went from one extreme to the other over several years gradually but when he was diagnosed it was obvious to everyone that he had a severe mental illness.

In hindsight the changes should have been obvious but weren’t because of the nature of the individual and his life style and vanishing and reappearing acts. It has made me more alert to changes in individuals and learning more about recognizing the warning signs. The sad thing is like many illnesses it could happen to any of us and that is the time we most need help.

I received a response to this column inclusion from some one that was a close friend of Carlos and the following is from that correspondence.

To whom it may concern

as I was reading a section of your article I noticed that it had a similar
situation with a certain friend of mine and I agree with you wholeheartedly.
Lessons are learned in unconventional ways, as in the case of student(s) who
show much promise only to find there are underlying issues, which have an
effect on their wellbeing.
It is true that there is a responsibility towards those that seek guidance,
who trust and believe in what is right and what is wrong, what works and
what doesn't work, and an understanding on a personal level of those who
come to you is not an easy thing to do, as there are many things and many
people to consider.
Someone of that responsibility can be forgiven for not identifying the signs
of a persons mental health at any stage, not to mention the character of
those persons who rarely tend to open up and ask for help when needed.
My own experiences with friends and family who have mental illnesses have
come to show me that it is a devastating fact of life, which can fall upon
anyone.
I too realise that these signs of development of mental illness are very
faint and to detect these signs are virtually impossible until its too late.
We all have choices in life to make which in turn affect the outcome being
good or not so good, and whether we are able to accept the consequences, or
take steps to rectify is a different matter, and that, is where I believe
that no master, instructor, teacher or any of those in related fields can
take responsibility for what choices their students make.
We can all learn from a variety of circumstances, even from unfortunate
events such as this, and I would like to thank the author of the article for
making this such an open forum.

Regards

Pete

Peter sent me a letter to hand on to Carlos when I next seen him.

I was driving through South Dunedin some weeks later and I had to look twice as I drove past a man that caught my eye as both familiar and odd in his manner. I done a u turn and got out and approached Carlos who was looking very different. He was bent over and continuously smoking and it was almost as if he did not recognize me or remember Peter at all when I mentioned his name. I told him I had a letter at work for him from Peter and if he could drop in next time he was passing I would give it to him. I told him of what was happening and what members he had been close to were up to. He was very vacant and I wished him well and said goodbye.

A former friend of Carlos and a neighbour form childhood came to see and said he had been working in the hospitality industry one night when Carlos turned up at the venue and acted somewhat indifferent and threatening towards him and he was concerned for Carlos and his state of mind.

I heard the odd report of Carlos being in public and acting in a delusional manner and it was obvious that he by his condition had deteriorated considerably.

I have a friend that is a doctor and has experience in psychiatry and I described my concerns of the condition of an anonymous friend detailing changes in and his general appearance demeanour and actions. He said a lot of what I described was inline with schizophrenia.

The last time I saw Carlos alive was at the end of March 2007 when I was having a haircut. Lee Smith a former friend and training partner of Carlos was waiting for me in the barbershop when I looked in the mirror and saw Carlos walking past the barbershop. I told Lee and he went out and had a chat with Carlos. He said he was somewhat different than in years gone by but not as bad as he had heard he was.
Lee told me that when he asked Carlos if he was going to training or was going to come to the upcoming course and 80th anniversary he replied, He felt he needed to stay away because of his state of mind and the way he was feeling.

By now I was very concerned for Carlos but felt helpless to do anything and was concerned for his and others safety. I was aware of the privacy around people suffering from mental illness and how there is little one can do to help from the outside if the individual is not a threat to himself or others or involved in crime.
I had known Carlos when he was a picture of health and a determined athlete and perhaps I had failed to recognize the signs, as it would never have crossed my mind that anything was wrong back then.

It made me think of his changes in character and some of his new traits and how I could have missed the signs. Although Carlos was not in any where near the shape of previous and what I had seen of him when he did turn up to train a year earlier of not remembering his skills of previous, he could still be a risk to himself and others given the wrong situation or triggers.

I have had people apply for training that are obviously not suitable and that suffer from mental illness and decline their application right away.
However Carlos had been nothing like this and had been a member well liked and respected for many years.

It made me think of how difficult it was to predict or guarantee anything and was as previously outlined the subject of one of my columns and received a good response as it is a subject that is not normally covered in the martial arts or combat sports.

When I received an email from Craig that Carlos had taken his own life and then phoned him in the early hours of Sunday July 15th I although knowing that this outcome was possible I was still shocked and angry that I could not have done more.
I reflected on my entire thoughts of Carlos for some time and his situation and came to the sad conclusion that he had made the decision to take his life and that he would now be at peace.

I contacted the close mates of Carlos to tell them the sad news and listened to their beliefs as to why Carlos had taken his life and their recollections of Carlos. Speaking to them clearly identified that we all knew Carlos had a mental illness yet was powerless to do anything that would make a real difference.

Personally I don’t think anyone could have changed the mind of Carlos with anything he had decided. The farewell to Carlos was in many ways a first time insight into some aspects of his life and I found it very difficult to speak clearly of my memories of Carlos at the funeral as although I knew he was at peace I had lost my friend and understudy of many years.

I wanted to share my memories with those that were there out of genuine friendship and respect for their friend and family member but the words were hard to get out.
Carlos although a very quietly confident member made his mark and had a special place in our organization.

Fond and proud memories will remain with us all of Carlos our friend and we although helpless to do anything for him in his finals years we never stopped caring and will never forget our Carlos.

I have no expertise in mental health and the previous is a mere record of my recollections of Carlos and what I observed in his last years of his life. If it helps anyone recognize such signs and changes in their friends and family and take measures to get help and understand then that would be positive.

It appears the mental health act is very complex and steeped in privacy as well as difficulty and if you are not a family member you are somewhat powerless to help.
It’s like sitting there waiting for something to happen where you can’t do anything or be privy to anything officially.

Below is a link to information in New Zealand relating to Mental Health: