Integrating my dark side was a fairly torturous process for me, partly because I made it harder than it had to be. Apparently I do that a lot. :)
One of the problems at the time was my ability to get out of my own way and I continually tried to micro-manage the process rather than giving in to it and going where it wanted to take me. Part of that was from my own misconceptions about the light and dark and my reactions to them.
Many of us spend a long time trying to suppress the various elements of our light and dark sides partially because we're taught to believe that light is 'good' and dark is 'evil' as if the 2 extremes didn't exist in all of us.
For example, a lot of healers tend to shy away from the dark side and when it does manifest it's usually in some context that the healer may be shocked by or ashamed of. Thereafter the healer may have a negative connotation with the dark side of their being. Sometimes these connotations can come from events that happen when we're small children or even possibly be hold-overs from past lives.
It's important to find examples of the dark and light that can be manifested positively and enjoyably as everything has to balance and it's unnatural for us to always be one or the other. Music, dance, theatre, movies, martial arts and sexuality are some of the ways that you can find positive examples of both the dark and the light. In reality you can find positive examples anywhere, these are some that I personally enjoy.
This is where the self awareness part of kundalini awakening comes in. You have to know yourself well enough to become comfortable with all the aspects of your personality, and to find creative ways to balance your proclivities. If you spend all day giving reiki treatments and listening to soothing new age music then take some time in the evening and pop in a suitably dark movie or some nice dark music on the stereo. If you choose the music then turn off the lights, close your eyes and do some moving meditation and ecstatic dancing. You might be surprised at what you're able to clean out of your system this way.
What's important here is to learn to be comfortable with your dualities, and then get beyond them. This can be a journey of self discovery that can take you places that you didn't know you could go.
Dealing with Negativity
Once you begin to become comfortable with your dualities you can begin to associate with the positive (good for you) light and dark traits and abilities.
Keeping a positive mindset is extremely important here as you're pushing your comfort levels to new extremes. We usually lump negativity into the 'Dark' category, but having a negative attitude isn't a positive dark trait. J
Remember that this is all about developing your own sense of personal mastery. When you give in to negative feelings and emotions then you are giving away your personal power.
Yin/Yang Exercise
Here's an exercise that I've been playing with for a couple of weeks now.
Pick the meditation position that you prefer and take a moment to ground yourself. Do this by letting your energetic roots grow down into the earth and feel the earth energy flow up into you on the inhale, all the way up over your head.
As you exhale release all your stress and tension and let it flow back down into the earth to be recycled. Feel your muscles relax as this stress bleeds out of your body and feel your connection to the earth increase and you draw in each breath. Do this as long as necessary to become relaxed and feel a good connection to the energy.
Now as you inhale, feel the dark earth energy flow up the back side of your body, while simultaneously opening up and feeling the light universal energy flow down through the crown of your head and down the front of your body.
As you exhale see the 2 bands of energy swirl through you and into a yin/yang symbol that encompasses you. Continue at this level til you can do that with one breath comfortably.
The next step is to let loose of your perceptions and BECOME the yin/yang symbol. Feel yourself expand beyond your usual physical boundaries with the light and dark energies swirling through you in perfect balance. If the energy wants to continue spiraling then let it.
Now begin to expand yourself, feeling the connectivity to the light/dark energy in everything around you. It's all the same energy and the parts of it that are in you are also the parts of you that are in it. Feel your energy expand til it fills (feels) the room, now let it expand to fill your house, your city, your state. Continue expanding out through the solar system, then the universe.
This is the energy that's all around us all the time. We're as much a part of it as it's a part of us, and in reality there's NO DIFFERENCE between it/us. We/it encompass everything and we're/it's the basic building blocks for everything that ever was or is.
It's the proper balance of the light/dark/, masculine/feminine, good/bad and positive and negative that holds everything together. "For every action there's an equal and opposite reaction" is not just a good idea, it's the law.
Take awhile here and feel the connections to the universe within and without. FEEL the swirl of the galaxies within you and visualize them as tiny yin/yangs all swirling together inside a larger yin/yang which is also just another swirl and realize (make REAL) that the dualities don't really exist, that they are just perceptions of the same reality.
Now choose one of the swirling yin/yangs at random and let yourself fall into it. This should be easy since (sense) your connection to everything also gives you unlimited abilities. As you fall into this swirling galaxy you can see that it's made up of billions of swirling little solar systems all made up of little yin/yangs. Choose one at random and flow into it. See the little yin/yangs rotating around a larger one in the center. Choose one of these at random and flow down to it. When you look more closely at it you can see that it is also made up of billions of swirling, individual yin/yangs. Choose one of these and flow into it.
Now without letting go of your connection to the universe, can you open your eyes and feel the light/dark energies swirling all around you? Did you come back down to the same room and body and mindset that you left? Does it matter?
Play with this as there are infinite possibilities and energies to explore.
