Before we get into what I might mean by Yin and Yang, (or In and Yo as the Japanese would have it) I need to explain what I mean by practical. For me, practical means something very useable, and has to be useable in a "down to earth sort-of-a-way". Example?
OK, give me some help around changing nappies, some advice about dealing with "civilised" confrontations at work, or how about dealing with the aftermath of a barny with the missus? That's what I mean by practical – no nonsense, immediate real life value.
Now that you know where I'm coming from, let's look at the concepts of Yin and Yang – I'm sticking with the Chinese because people are generally more familiar with this.
So, what does it mean? First things first, I am nether scholar or expert in this area. I do have some degree of understanding, but this article is being written because of a recent real life experience, which I feel is worth sharing.
Yes, it is one of the above, but RELAX, it isn't the one about dirty nappies…
Several views about Yin and Yang – not so much different ideas, than perhaps different levels of understanding. At a basic level, Yin and Yang can mean opposites or polarities, such as light and dark, hard and soft, positive and negative, male and female and so on. Infinitely more to go at, but I'm sure you are familiar with this already. Nothing wrong here, however the Yin and Yang concept gives us a method of understanding something more about the world we live in, rather than just being a useful way of describing opposites.
Next level – although complete opposites seem to exist, in fact a given situation is never totally one thing or the other. If we look closely at a something that might be classified as say 'negative', there will always be an element of 'positive' in there. It might be a very small element, but it is in there (every cloud has a silver lining?). This holds true for most, if not all situations – bear in mind there are few things in life that are truly black or white, but instead many, many different shades of grey.
Keeping this in mind, look at the circular black & white representation of the Yin and Yang concept. You can see that the black swirls into the white and the white swirls into the black.
However, there is also a small area of black within the white area, and vice versa. This is said to represent how everything contains the seed of its opposite within it, and is symbolic of how all things contain both yin and yang.
A third version of events sees us considering the original written characters for Yin and Yang. The symbol for Yang, taken in the most literal way, is said to have meant 'the light side of the mountain, bright, warm and sunny'. The symbol for Yin meant the 'dark side of the mountain, shaded, cold and wet'. With this in mind, you will see we are no longer looking at opposites; in fact we are now looking at different views or perceptions of the same thing.
The important thing here is to remember it is actually the same mountain.
OK, reality check, let's go back to my need to find practical value in all of this.
Picture the scene – it's Saturday morning, just had a big argument with the missus, wasn't sure what it was about even then. We're now on the M1, pre-arranged visit to the in-laws, hour and a half drive. The atmosphere is such that you could grate cheese on it, the kids are being little sods in the back of the car, shouting, yelling, fighting, and generally winding me up. It's hot in the car, sun blazing through the windscreen, getting uncomfortable, haven't got a drink, feel a headache coming at the temples. There is much unspoken tension between me & my other half, I'm ready to start shouting at the kids, and we are setting the tone for the whole day here, whether we like it or not. Maybe even the whole weekend.
Not good.
As we pass Junction 29, for some reason I start thinking about mountains, and different perceptions. Start to think that maybe if I tried, my current situation might, just might seem different.
When I thought about it, it was a beautiful day after all, the sun was shining, and it was pretty warm for a March weekend. Kids are playing in the back of the car, in fact they were just messing about and having fun. Not really fighting, just acting their ages and being noisy with it, enjoying each others' company.
Then I look outside, away from the three lanes of tarmac. Beautiful green fields and lush countryside stretching for miles,fields, wooded areas, occasional houses or farm buildings – the things you don't often notice, usually because you're just not looking.
This was exactly the same journey, just seen from a different angle.
This helped me to understand that how I view my situation has a huge influence on how I interact with it. This affects my actions, moods and feelings, and in turn has a huge effect on those around me, their actions and moods and so on. At this point you realise that although you might not be in total control of the situation, you can choose to steer in this direction or that. Importantly, the situation is not in control of you, you are not destined to have a crap day. Instead you have choices in front of you.
With this, I lost the option to make excuses, and found I had responsibility instead.
It is no else's fault, in fact it's down to you – you alone can decide which way your day/week/life goes. Let's be clear here, I'm not saying it's easy, but I am saying you can decide to choose a different path if you wish.
At the end of the day, the most important thing is that each of us are happy in our lives. For me, finding I have some influence over areas which I previously felt were 'out of control' was quite liberating. It's perhaps a little scary as well, because the buck stops with me now, but there is a definite sense of freedom, a definite feeling that nothing will quite be the same again.
Lots of potential here, and all of it positive.
So how did the story end?
Well, the mood did change as we moved onto the M42, and the day got back on track again. This change in perspective helped to divert what was looking like a very black day.
OK it wasn't perfect, but then we're all human, and for me this was a discovery, just a beginning. Personally I have much work and practice to do around this, but I am very aware that I no longer have any excuses…
Next time things are looking dark, try it – take a look at the other side of the mountain. You'll find the sun is usually shining.
© Geoff Thompson.com 2004
